#im not actually serious seriously believe me

[chaeryeos]

jyp oppar

jay why pee

[seilon]

please don’t by k.will did more for the gays back in 2012 than any boy group can possibly do with fan service and crop tops in 2024

[some-stars]

i have absolutely NO patience for anyone being shitty or judgmental or othering about addicts, not just because of my ethical principles and baseline compassion for other human beings, but because i have personal experience with how inseparable substance abuse is from mental illness and other kinds of inescapable suffering. i got high on cannabis and benzos all day long, 6 days a week for two years because i had severe treatment-resistant depression (aka i had tried EVERY legal treatment available without improvement). when i found a medication that made it go away almost entirely, i dropped down to maybe 3 times a month purely for fun and after my day's responsibilities are done, within days of starting to feel better. and now i feel like shit again and i've been getting high several times a week as literal self-medication. because, you know, i'm in horrible pain and it would be cruel and inhuman for someone to tell me i had to ignore the one tool i had access to that would reduce my suffering, just so i wouldn't be an ~addict~, which is of course the worse most disgusting worthless thing a person can be.

i know that there are many addictions that are more physically damaging and that people continue to crave physiologically even when they start recovering from the mental or physical pain that drove them to drugs in the first place. i am very, very fortunate that due to my life circumstances i have no access to meth or heroin or more dangerous stuff like that. but it is sure as hell a lot less difficult to resist even those cravings when the pain that they were used to alleviate is drastically reduced!!!

anyway this is all just me restating the rat town study that proved almost all drug addiction is caused by capitalism and/or trauma, and weakening capitalism and building rewarding caring societies eliminates substance abuse almost entirely. why the fuck would you scream at and shame people experiencing unspeakably terrible pain rather than the forces and people who caused/failed to treat that pain?

[butterflieswhisper]

okay so what i've gathered is beastlife season three finale + semifinale is going to be absolutely miserable for me and i should clear my schedule to deal with the emotional impact. fantastic. swagever

[olipopsoda]

"if you were talking about the person running this blog then I'm gonna need you to tell me your age before this continues" bud have you accidentally been soliciting minors?? 😭

bro the minor was the one soliciting me 😭

[cetoddle-archive]

therapy was interesting she kinda just out of nowhere asks if i like writing and i was hesitantly like….yes……and she got all excited she was like you should really pursue that. i think that’d be great for you. and i was like thank you but why are you saying this. i don’t remember exactly what she said cause i think i blacked out a little but basically said im very well spoken and deliberate with my word choice and she said she’d have been very surprised if i said i don’t write at all

[basofy]

silly thoughts but i was thinking about jack and how conflicting of a character he is to me and how stupid i feel for taking him more serious than i should given he is some funny guy coming from the kickstarter, in fact i'd say all the kickstarter characters are very not serious, nobody wanted to put some sad guy in the game, but anyway this is how my brain is

he's just some kid that doesn't know what stuff is for him and what stuff isn't and he has nobody to guide him on this, i think having a character like him living in the context of lisa is very terrible but especially by taking him to brad's journey, not only taking this kiddo to literally slaughter people and him seeing death and blood and corpses everywhere he goes (which he probably sees as normal) but also the fact that he has to be in the same team as other guys who are severely bad influences to him, like you can have him in the same team as people who were murderers even before the flash or guys who could be considered possible sex offenders like it's so messed up

i don't think him being in the game is a bad thing it's interesting as hell honestly, it's just hard to not feel bad for him, i feel like the game wanted to delve into this more and it sort of did but also backtracked? like it never wants to fully talk about this for him. that one convo touches on the subject a little bit but then it just gets cut and youre never given an answer of if jack is okay after that or not lol

also i keep thinking about how aware of this the other companions are? brad even. like dude is seen reading a porno mag and i highly doubt he stole it and was being sneaky about it, i think the other guys know he does this shit but dont stop him

i think some of them would worry but wouldn't feel like saying anything, some would be completely apathetic until they actually realize how bad this is, others would be like 'nah it's okay for his age' , others would know it's not a good thing but wouldn't care, and there'd be others who are willing to say something but don't get listened or get pushed by the meanier companions idk

also i wonder if him being a boy would have make any difference for them because there are actually many people who's opinion on the matter changes depending on the gender of the person but of couse it's bad to put a kid in these situations no matter their gender

[snekdood]

Idk why i expect charitability from ppl who probably listen to whatever their staple favorite left-leaning video essayists says about the Other Leftists they dont like and takes it to heart and doesnt form their own opinion with the information provided (or the information specifically and intentionally left out to make the person look the worst that they can) just kinda does whatever that persons says because Its Probably Correct

I mean, theyre "on the left" and uses all the words you like, nevermind what their intentions or long terms goals are or how thatd reasonably be practiced irl or if it'd actually hurt the general cause of progressives and make things even more divisive and worse bc they value being petty more than actually having any values.

[maxverstappendefender]

ain't no love in oklahoma // op81 smau

description: twisters actress!reader x op81 but lando is convinced oscar is lying (from request)

a/n: sorry for being completely inactive. life happened and it didn't happen in a good way! i have a huge exam coming up soon so i will most likely still be inactive besides maybe a few short things here and there. anyways first oscar fic so enjoy! all pics found on pinterest, i don't own any

a/n pt2: might do something fun for each day in october but im not sure what so send me some ideas. also might do some more headcannons/blurbs soon here!

requests: closed but feel free to send me some messages since i love talking to you guys

masterlist

liked by oscarpiastri, glenpowell, and 2,927,641 others

youruser: go see twisters!! if you don’t, you suck and you better hope you don’t get stuck in a tornado because there’s useful information in our movie

tagged: glenpowell

view all comments

oscarpiastri: proud of you!!

↳ youruser: 🧡

glenpowell: caption is so real of you

user1: doesn’t yn have a boyfriend? why is she so close to glen?

↳ user2: yes but probably because there’s limited space. yn isn’t like that

↳ oscarpiastri: exactly what user2 said

landonorris: cute!

↳ user3: what are you doing here??

↳ user4: lando in the comments?

user5: such a good movie

user6: yn + glen = power duo

liked by youruser, landonorris, and 3,951,750 others

oscarpiastri: proud boyfriend award goes to me 🏆 thx for all the bts selfies

tagged: youruser, glenpowell

view all comments

landonorris: i just laughed out loud

landonorris: “boyfriend” lmaooo

↳ user7: i cant tell if he’s joking or serious

user8: cutest couple ever

glenpowell: aww so glad you remembered the time you took me to the aquarium, what a romantic!

↳ youruser: get your own boyfriend capybara

↳ user9: yn CLOCKED him

// lando’s phone//

//

liked by mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 4,027,835 others

landonorris: POLE BABYYYY!!! everyone ignore my teammates instagram posts, i have told him to stop. i think he took a hit to the head or something

view all comments

oscarpiastri: do you want to go to the farm or not?

↳ landonorris: you already said i could go so no take backs

↳ user10: lando is going to yn's farm??

↳ user11: LANDO'S MEETING YN?!

↳ user12: oh i know he's going to fangirl so hard

user13: get me someone who looks at me the way oscar looks at lando

↳ user14: are we sure that they aren't the ones dating?

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 3,017,426 others

youruser: back home finally! pic 1: yeehaw. pic 2: my cat cora had her babies!!! pic 3: dinner date :)

tagged: oscarpiastri

view all comments

user15: CORA HAD HER KITTIES

↳ youruser: i am officially a grandma. i feel the gray hairs coming in now

user16: oscar and yn are endgame

oscarpiastri: the best company

↳ landonorris: STOP, idk how you got her in on this joke either

↳ user16: i can't tell if lando knows they are actually dating and is joking or if he truly does not believe oscar

user17: boyfriend is back on the feed!

↳ user18: farmer yn is back on the feed!

glenpowell: miss you lady

↳ youruser: you miss my animals more

↳ glenpowell: and what about it.

liked by youruser, oscarpiastri, and 4,209,384 others

landonorris: OMG HE WASN'T LYING i got to feed so many animals, got to channel my inner cowboy, AND get drunk with the yn? i can die a happy man

tagged: youruser

view all comments

oscarpiastri: believe me now?

↳ landonorris: never doubted you

↳ user19: lando seriously didn't believe oscar lol

↳ user20: i fully thought he was joking the entire time

user21: how hard did you fangirl to meet yn, lando?

↳ landonorris: surprised i didn't pass out honestly. i facetimed GLEN POWELL

youruser: so glad you had a fun time!!

liked by youruser, landonorris, and 3,298,361 others

oscarpiastri: everyone clear that this is my girlfriend?

tagged: youruser

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user22: sassy oscar

↳ user23: channeling his inner lando

landonorris: yes sir 🫡

↳ oscarpiastri: stop being weird ?

youruser: MY MANNNNN

↳ user24: oh she's in deep

user25: there is one thing oscar doesn't play about in life: yn

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 4,208,763 others

youruser: didn't even know there was confusion that this was my boyfriend lol

tagged: oscarpiastri

view all comments

landonorris: how was i meant to know?!

↳ user26: literally how everyone else knew, instagram.

glenpowell: yn stop posting pics of me and my boyfriend and acting like he's yours

↳ youruser: i dont like this joke.

↳ oscarpiastri: bromance or whatever

↳ user27: they're in a throuple

↳ youruser: ew

↳ glenpowell: disgusting

↳ oscarpiastri: huhhh

user28: couple goals forever and ever

user29: if they don't get married... love isn't real

[smarteoasis]

❀ new things - nishimura riki

warnings : pussy eating, cussing, inexperienced riki, over stimulation

wc : 914

“i've never eaten out a girl before.” as those words leave your best friends mouth, you stiffle a laugh. “seriously? how's that possible?” you don't believe him, since he's had many girlfriends before.

“im serious! don't laugh at me..” he pouts, glaring at you from embarrassment. “well, why are you telling me?” you rub your eyes in disbelief, questioning him.

“uh.. i was kinda hoping you could teach me.” now this time you don't hold in that laugh. slapping your hand over your mouth, you sit up straight as you notice the pouty look on his face. “wait, actually? you want me to teach you how to eat pussy?”

he nods, mumbling “yea.. was hoping i could try it on you or somethinh..”

your eyes widen, each word making you more shocked, confused and wet. even though it sounds crazy weird, you shrug, sighing. “okay, fine. whatever. i can teach you.” he looks up eyes wide and cheeks red.

“really..? thank you. i just.. don't wanna embarrass myself if i ever have to eat a girl out.. ya know.” you nod, running a hand through your hair. “got it. go wash your hands first though.”

he obeys, running to your bathroom as you take your shorts and panties off on the bed.

when he comes back, his eyes widen as he sees you laying down, legs spread and cunt dripping.

you roll your eyes, “just get over here. ” he stutters, crossing his arms. “i,. didn't think we'd get into this so quickly.”

you shush him, motioning him to get between your legs. riki nods, laying on his stomach and taking ahold of your soft thighs, eyes glued to your pussy.

“do i start.. with the clit? or.. or the hole?” he looks up, his cheeks tinted pink. “doesn't matter. just, use your tongue on both, switch it up.” he nods, taking his wet tongue out and slowly nudging your clit with it. you take a deep breath, the stimulation already good.

he gives kitty licks to the nub before wrapping his lips around it, sucking softly. you gasp, gripping his hair. “like that.. good.” he nods, happy with his progress as he sucks on the clit more harshly.

you cuss under your breath, moaning quietly. “down there too..” riki quickly moves his tongue down to your sopping wet hole, licking it. “like that.. put your tongue in.” he obliges, sticking his tongue inside hesitantly as he rubs your clit with his thumb.

the double stimulation makes your toes curl, wrapping your thighs around his head and squeezing him in place. “s-so good..”

riki hums, the vibration going straight to your core. he sucks on your clit, prodding his midle finger at your gushing hole. you moan his name, already feeling an orgasm coming, the whole situation turning you on. riki looks up at you, wanting you to feel good and wanting to learn.

he pulls away from your clit for a second, chin glistening with your juices. “am.. am i doing okay?” you nod, tugging his head back down to continue.

riki doesn't complain, sucking on your clit and softly sticking a finger into your hole. he moans against you, your warm walls engulfing his long finger. he pumps it in and out slowly, curling it at the spongy spot that he heard feels good.

“shit.. im so close, don't stop.” riki nods, adding a second finger inside as his tongue continues working on your puffy clit.

he curls his fingers, forcing them deep inside to feel all your good spots. unexpectedly, he sticks his tongue inside with his fingers, making you cum quickly.

“cumming!” you announce, your thighs squeezing around his head as he doesn't stop, riding out your orgasm. after a couple of seconds of you panting, you look down at him.

“mm.. enough now.” he doesn't pull away, lapping away at your cunt as his fingers slam inside you. you yelp at the over stimulation, squirming on the bed.

riki is too pussy drunk to care, slurping your cum away like he hasn't had a meal in a good while. he pulls his fingers out, pinching your clit and receiving a squeal from you.

he digs his tongue deeper into your cunt, eating you out like a starved man. you notice how his hips rut against the mattress, a bulge forming in his tight boxers, hidden away in his grey sweats.

you feel another orgasm coming, groaning in pleasure and pain. “fuck.. im gonna cum again.” he hums happily, looking up at you and making eye contact as he sucks on your clit.

the visual makes you squirt on his tongue, your cum dripping down his nose, lips and chin. you moan loudly, shaking more than before.

riki licks your release up, kissing your clit softly. you force his head away, not able to take three sudden orgasms. “too much..” you pant, closing your legs. he sits up, looking at you with wide eyes, your cum shiny on his mouth.

“was i good?” he asks, hoping to receive praise.

you sigh, patting his head. "yeah yeah, clean yourself up." he wipes his chin and lays down next to you. “that was fun.” you sigh, humming in agreement and tiredness.

“i need a nap. you're crazy.” he snickers, watching you fall asleep. as you drift off, riki asks.

“can you teach me how to have sex next time?”

[sowhat-whynot]

Boyfriend tag!

request: “maybe do our own version of doing his makeup like mandy did w martin?”

a/n: this request had a few ideas in one btw also this is my first lil story on here so go easy on me, queens.

bf!hamzah x fem reader

──★ ˙ ̟🐇 ꩜ .ᐟ

Being a youtuber was fun cuz you got to come up with your own ideas and no one could stop you so naturally, you wanted to piss Hamzah off a bit. You had asked him to come film a ‘boyfriend tag’ video with you but there was something he didn’t know…that you’d also be doing his makeup while answering questions.

filming…

“Hi loves! Welcome back to my channel today I have someone special with me, my boyfriend” you say excitedly.

“Hi everyone! I’m so pumped to be on here” Hamzah says, pumping his fist a little.

“Why dont you tell em what we’re doing today” you say with a smirk.

“She’s gonna give me that hawk tuah on cam!!” Hamzah giggles.

“Hamzah what the hell is wrong with you” you look at him in disgust.

“I’m sorry…so, we’re doing a boyfriend tag and this is basically for y/n’s viewers to kinda get to know me since I might pop into frame from time to time and then you guys are gonna comment ‘who is that fine sexy man in the background’ and you’ll know it’s me!” Hamzah explains.

“You explained that perfectly but I have a surprise for you” Hamzah look a bit confused.

“I’m gonna make you look beautiful and do your makeup, like I’ve always wanted to!!!”

“Are you serious” He stares at the camera.

“Yes, because one day Hamzah was watching me do my makeup and asked ‘how do ya know how to do that’ and today’s your lucky day, babe. You’re gonna find out” you explain.

“You know what whatever” Hamzah gave in.

-

You face towards your boyfriend to apply foundation with a brush while asking a few questions you came up with.

“Hamzah tell the viewers you name and birthday”

“Is this a joke?” He laughed, not believing that this was the whole point of the video.

“Just answer bruh. The viewers wanna know!” You say as you blend the foundation into his skin.

“Hi i’m Hamzah and i was born on March 5th, 2002”

“Ok, next question is ‘describe your high school self in 5 words’”

“Hot, cool, goofy, got bitches” He proudly answered.

“You know what..hell yeah! Except for the last one i know you got no girls and they probably all ran away from you boi”

“Next question, y/n”

You continued on with the question and you were the happiest girl alive giving your boyfriend the makeover of his life. You smiled while applying some of your pretty pink blush on his cheeks. You two got so distracted from goofing around it made it hard to take the youtube video seriously.

“No way it takes this long to apply all of this. You girls do this everyday??” He asked, appreciating your hard work.

“Yeah but honestly it’s not about how long it takes, it’s about how gorgeous you’re gonna look at the end. Like a pretty princess”

“Oh my god” Hamzah turns his head away from you.

“Look at me Hamzah i still have more questions” your hand reaches to his chin making him look at you.

“Next question is ‘do you remember our first date’” you ask while applying press powder on his face.

“Of course I do! It was a fun picnic date and I gave you a kitty plushy as a gift and we ate yummy food and I couldn’t take my eyes off you, i still can’t, you’re just so beautiful. Even the dress you wore. It’s forever engraved in my mind” His words are so genuine it makes your heart melt.

“Aww babe that’s actually so sweet i love you” you practically look at him with heart eyes.

“Okay is the makeup almost done i wanna see”

“You ruined the moment..yeah i just gonna curl your lashes and put on a lippie”

“I don’t know what you just said but please do it fast” he impatiently said.

“Hamzah don’t move your eye im gonna curl it”

“What da hell is that tool!” He yelled.

“Bro bear with me and do as i say” you gently clamped his lashes and apply mascara on him.

You added some finishing touches: eye glitter, eyeliner, and a glossy lip. You turn to the camera and giggle a bit.

“Is it bad? Can i see y/n! Stop laughing” Hamzah said.

“Guys i think i did a beautiful job. Look at it!!! The eyes are so cute” You grabbed the camera and did a close up shot.

You prop the camera back on the tripod and grabbed a mirror to reveal the final look to him.

“Okkk now look” You handed the mirror to Hamzah.

“Holy shit y/n…i look different” he gasps as he touches the eye makeup.

“You’re giving Hamzah Charles” you laughed.

“Honestly guys she did a good job and i think i’m into boys now” he said to the camera.

“Okay i’m ending this video” you quickly say.

You did your usual outro and Hamzah just smiled while you did so. You turned your camera off and giggled at Hamzah. He gave a confused laugh, not really sure what was so funny.

“Now we’re gonna do a photo shoot” you jump in excitement.

“Are you serious!”

──★ ˙ ̟🐇 ꩜ .ᐟ

Hope yall enjoyed hehehiehehe & keep requesting ideas 💕

[breadbrioche]

fit for a princess

luke castellan x reader

➳summary: a quick fluffy thing because admin eagerly wishes summer can come sooner and is purposely ignoring the ending of the pjo series :D

➳warnings: not proof read, written during multiple fits of delusion, established relationship

➳word count: 1.1k

➳a/n: IM BACK!! Sorry to any who were expecting a TUC fic but the pjo has been my latest obsession so I had to write it

At Camp Half-Blood, the weather is always perfect but, somehow, its even better than most days. The sun is shining at its brightest yet the cool breeze blowing made it so that it wasn’t uncomfortably hot. As one of many campers taking advantage of the great weather, Luke leans his back against a tree with his eyes closed and enjoying the warmth and listening to the calm sounds of the nature around him.

He winces when a suddenly shadow obstructs the light and peaks his eyes open slightly to see what caused it. Though through blurry eyes as he blinks to adjust to the brightness, he spots your figure looming over him and a smile instantly forms on Luke’s face.

“Can I help you?” He drawls out teasingly. You pout playfully before seating yourself next to him, fingers easily tangling with his like routine.

“You should be thankful I’m even here! Seriously, it took forever to track you down.”

“It’s not like this place is a particularly hard place to find.” Luke argues back but you roll your eyes and lean your head on his shoulder.

“Yeah but I’d never thought you’d be here of all places” You point out as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What, can’t a guy just enjoy some peace and quiet?”

At that, you bark out a laugh, not believing him. “Not if you’re called Luke Castellan.” You chastise. “You’re always training as if you aren’t already the best swordsman in the camp”

“Did you come here to nag at me or do you have an actual reason?”

“Oh right!” You reach into your bag and place something atop Luke’s hair faster than he could see what it was. Immediately raising his hands to his head, he gingerly felt around blindly to see what it was. His fingertips brushes against something soft yet so thin he could tell it was delicate but also a more rough and rigid material.

As he carefully removes the item of his head to inspect it, Luke amusedly huffs upon realising what it was.

“You made me a flower crown?” He asks as he admires your craftsmanship - various summer flowers were woven together intricately, intertwining to create a colourful circlet. Leaves were bent precisely to frame each flower, some of which Luke could recognise being sunflowers and marigolds.

“I saw some Demeter kids making them and I wanted to try too.” You explained. “Do you like it? I know it’s not perfect but I think I did a pretty good job with it!”

“I love it.” He confirmed and using his free arm to pull you in for a hug to show his gratitude. “It’s almost as pretty as the person who made it.”

Groaning at his cheesy line, you lightly shoved him off you before taking the crown back into your hands to nestle it on top of his dark curls once again.

“Well I think you look way prettier than I ever could; it really suits you, y’know” you tease with a sly grin. “You’re giving serious fairy princess vibes”

“Are you being for real?” He sighed, looking away embarrassed but making no move to remove the flower crown. You giggled at his actions, cooing as you poked his reddening cheeks. Luke catches your offending wrist before using it to pull you into his lap, his arms wrapping around you and nestling his face into your neck.

“I thought I was supposed to be a hero” he complains against your skin.

As you wrap your arms around his neck, you huff endearingly, feeling how warm his face is.

“Ayy now don’t sell yourself short; you can still be a hero while being a fairy princess. I’m sure there’s a myth about that.”

“I don’t think there is, love” Luke retorts which makes you scrunch your face disappointedly. Though, you don’t dwell on it for long as you gently grab his face and remove it from the crook of your neck. Luke’s face morphs into a confused expression, eyebrows furrowed and dark eyes assessing you to find the meaning behind your antics, but you paid him no mind as you grinned happily.

You don’t understand how the boy before you doesn’t know how beautiful he is - and hell, you’d even say that Luke is way more attractive than any of the Aphrodite boys - especially in this current moment with how the sun made his eyes twinkle and his ruddy skin look like it was glowing.

But unfortunately, your thoughts are interrupted with the way Luke drums his fingers at your side, an unspoken request for an explanation. Stubbornly, you deny him the satisfaction in favour of admiring him more.

However, his drumming becomes more insistent then turns into pokes and before you know it, he’s attacking you relentlessly with tickles. This forces you to release your hold on Luke’s face to wrestle his hands off you. You shriek when he resists your attempts and puts his weight forward which pushes your back to the ground.

“Stop-!! Let go!!” You demand between fits of laughter while you writhe on the grass from the way your stomach cramps, you kick your feet and claw at his hands but Luke is, as always, relentless, finding how the whole situation has turned incredibly amusing.

“What…the fuck was that- “ you pant out when Luke eventually stops tickling you. As you heave, you glare up at Luke - the damn flower crown still perched on his head even after all that - who has a shit eating grin on his face.

“Maybe you aren’t a fairy princess hero after all.” You say accusingly. Luke raises an eyebrow inquisitively before rolling onto the ground next to you, his shoulders bumping into yours in the process.

“What am I then?”

“Probably a monster. A mean,ugly monster who disguised himself as an insufferably pretty boy who’s sole mission is to make my life a living hell.”

After you air out your complaints, it's his turn to laugh; the deep sound almost makes it hard for you to keep scowling at him.

“It still beats being a fairy princess hero, for sure! That job sounds right up my alley.” Luke exclaims, urging you to shove him with a roll of your eyes but he’s not at all unfazed. Rather, he shimmies closer to you so his mouth is at the same level as your ear.

“Y’know what being a ‘pretty monster who’s sole mission is to annoy you’ would mean right?” He asks you, and it’s like you can hear his smirk.

“What.” You reply, not bothering to correct his misquote.

“It means that I would get to be with you all the time.”

[keepingsecretstokeepyoutk]

This is going to be very long and sound a little crazy at first, and maybe a little mean but please hear me out…

I’m convinced that Taylor sometimes purposefully includes one line or multiple lines of poorly written or clunky lyrics in specific songs to make a point.

We all have seen some version of this with bearding songs like London Boy, a simple bop whose lyrics were immediately detected as sounding disingenuous, even with the general population (the locations she was signing about were the most touristy and too far away from each other to visit on the same day, etc, basically implying that she doesn’t actually have a long term local bf there that she spends a bunch of time with exploring the city with, etc).

But just like everything else on the album, I think she’s doing maybe a more in your face version of that. No holds barred.

So High School is an obvious example of this, with all of the early 2000’s hs imagery, she seems pretty blatantly to be mocking the idea the public has of her “living out every American girl’s high school fantasy” of dating the tall popular football player. With lyrics like “touch me while your friends play grand theft auto” (barf), etc, shes being clear enough that this is not a serious song.

This is the possibly controversial part, but I’m so curious to see what others think about this - I think another iteration of this on this album is the title track, The Tortured Poets Department. Hear me out.

(First, I want to reassure you that there are lines in this song that I really like and think are well written, like: “you’re in self-sabotage mode/throwing spikes down on the road” and “but you awaken with dread/pounding nails in your head/but I’ve read this one/where you come undone/I chose this cyclone with you”. And I fully agree with the idea that these sentiments are from Karlie’s perspective. Basically, when you take out the chunks I’m about to talk about this song makes way more sense and has a beautiful sentiment of undying love behind it - which makes the following parts stick out that much more!)

The first time I listened through the album, and this was the second song, I got terrified because I didn’t understand its place in the whole narrative and when I heard the first clunky line “scratch your head like a tattooed golden retriever” I got the ick. Then the bridge with no structure and no wit and no clever turns of phrase, no metaphor, just “you put my ring on the finger people put wedding rings on” and “that was the closest I’ve ever been to my heart exploding”. So over simplified and cheesy, and doesn’t sound anything like her writing, especially the caliber of her recent lyrics

I know art is largely subjective, but I insist there is no way that the same person who wrote Cowboy Like Me wrote these lines into her title track if she didn’t have a reason and a point to make. To make it clear that this isn’t a matter of genre personal taste, because I know CLM is a very specific sound and a style that music snobs often take more seriously - I love SO many of her candy pop bangers, they are infinitely more clever, articulate, and overall works of art by a true wordsmith than this. Karma, The Very First Night, etc are all a master classes in clever words and tight writing being tucked into an “unserious” pop song.

The lyrics I cited above to me sound like what haters believe her writing sounds like, even fans who make little jokey TikTok’s about her and make up a spoofy something to sing while in character - that’s what these lyrics sound like.

Im worried im being too harsh, but please stay with me because the more I think about the more genius I think it actually is.

In the context of the themes of rest of the album, (her being trapped, miserable, manipulated, ready to burn it all down, screaming to be seen) this theory became clear to me. I think she’s leaning into her public persona (in more ways than one, we’ve already seen it with the stunting), in a way setting a “trap” for her fans and the public, that will essentially call them all out on how they ignored the real her in favor of her pr narrative, making the album about paternity tests, etc, all of which I’m guessing will become very clear in retrospect, possibly after she comes out? (Of course it’s already clear to us now, which is another purpose of the beard songs including clunky writing - to signal to us that these are not serious and that she knows that we know that she knows (like Phoebe on friends lol))

Ultimately, this is (along with So Highschool) a classic beard song. When she writes in this voice, she embodies the most extreme versions of her public persona, not just the one she has cultivated on purpose, but also the one that people have of her that don’t know her (as she did in Blank Space), including those that don’t take her seriously - because her identity as a boy crazy psycho ex girlfriend is directly tied to people dismissing her art as vapid because, they’ve only ever heard her singles, they don’t know the full her.

That voice is the straightest, the most boy crazy, the most one note, and sometimes the most unsophisticated writer version of her that people have in their minds, including her fans - the fans that refuse to see her as a whole person, the real, that believe she is head over heals for big football boy, that believe “he knows how to ball, I know Aristotle” is a romantic line about how opposites attract, the fans that say they don’t “get” some of her most beautiful and well-written songs, the fans that don’t see her and haven’t been seeing her.

They didn’t see giant Taylor on the eras tour, they refuse to see all of her queer signaling, etc, and I think she’s making the bearding songs obvious to underscore the difference between her Taylor(TM) and Taylor(person) personas.

She knows that despite the fact that the lyrics don’t even come close to measuring up to the rest of the album, the public, and many of her fans, will make this song one of the most listened to simply because they are looking for evidence of her relationships from the past year. We’ve all commented on how insane it is that this layered, complex, devastating album is being reduced to the usual paternity tests. This is currently one of the top songs precisely because it is “about Matty”. And of course, So High School is one of the tops songs along with it because it’s “about Travis”.

The juxtaposition of the bearding songs alongside her beautifully written poetry of Prophecy, Peter, Whose Afraid of Little Old Me, Cassandra, How did it end, The Albatross, etc mirrors the juxtaposition of her two selves during the Midnights era.

She has proven the point that if they think she wrote every line of this song completely in earnest, then they see her largely no differently than her haters do, as a subpar writer who writes absurdly cheesy love songs praising trashy to mediocre, problematic men. By eating it up they tell her that’s what she’s good for, for being the subject of tabloids and warring fans who make this entire album about two (purposefully) mediocre songs and the men who “inspired” them.

She has proven her point - that a subset of her fans will be distracted by a lesser song simply because they think it’s about one of the greasy men that’s she been seen holding hands with. That they will ignore once again all of her pleas to be seen, that she’s in pain and caged, and has been driven insane by their willful ignorance. That they don’t appreciate her full potential and talent, that they don’t even see it, and just want to be confirmed in their ideation of her.

This song is essentially the “forget him(her)” pill at the beginning of the fortnight mv, but it’s a sedative for the fans, who are addicted to her straight narrative. Similar to Willow’s 13 chants of “that’s my man” that started off evermore, casting a spell of heteronormativity over everyone who wanted it, so that they could choose to just completely ignore the following 14 gayest songs ever written. Don’t pay no mind to her singing directly about women with zero male perspective - she said “that’s my man!” We’re good! She’s still straight!

Taylor in the fortnight mv had to a take a sedative to be able to go into the next room and write her bearding songs - ie she self medicates to deal with keeping up the straight persona and to get through having to release dumbed down songs to feed the masses. (I also see the pill as something forced on her, I think it represents both layers)

From the first time I watched the music video I thought the writing Taylor looked so miserable and the bearding songs are why.

In this room she’s trapped, churning out the songs that her fans expect of her, the songs that make her team money, the songs that make her money, but that she has to compromise her truth to create.

But when she frees herself she’ll burn the stories that weren’t true, the filler that doesn’t represent her.

I’m curious to hear other’s thoughts on this - have you ever felt like Taylor purposefully inserts off-sounding lyrics that are written in a different voice to make a point?

I want to reiterate that it’s not the entirety of either song that I think is terrible, I genuinely love bopping along to both So High School and TTPD (track). Like I said above, when you remove the clunky lines from ttpd (track), the song has another layer and likely gives voice to some Karlie insight that is beautiful and tragically profound. It’s the red herrings, the pieces specifically meant to tie this song to a bearding narrative, that I’m dissing, and the only reason they are suspicious in the first place is because I know how gifted Taylor is with the written word.

Taylor is such a skilled writer that she can embody the voice of the bad writer that dismissive ignorant idiots believe her to be, just to make a point!

I even wonder if maybe there is a second version of this song locked away in one of those drawers in the fortnight writing room that leaves out the red herrings and is a thousand times better than the bearding version we got.

I hope one day we get to hear it.

[skullvgirl]

acting like they forgot yall had plans together

incl ;; isagi, bachira, barou, kunigami, shidou

warnings ;; fem reader

an's ;; was gonna make this a samu version but I got lazy uh, here hc's

isagi

you text him on friday, a day before your supposed plans and let me tell you he's freaking OUT. he doesn't want to tell you he forgot, and now your asking him what to wear and man could it get any worse?

apparently it could because now your asking him who he should bring and telling him how excited you are and much you've been lookikg forward to it.

he feel like the worst boyfriend on earth and is wondering if he should ask one of the friends that your bringing ( apparently ) and so he devises a plan.

"YN, you said you were bringing [ Friends Name ] Right?" And you can't help but continue the joke and accusingly say, "What?! No, was that supposed to be some sort of joke?"

Now, he feels like shit for even suggesting and is also concerned about what [ Friends Name ] did. He couldn't have forgot that too could he?

"Y-yeah, no I just...yeah."

You burst out laughing and he realizes this is probably another one of your "ticktack trends"

You hold his face softly, "Oh poor baby, it was just a joke we dont have any plans."

His face is hot and he moves your hands away to go pout on the couch. "Stop doing that..you were scaring me..."

"Aw was I? Don't worry, It was fun watching you question your sanity."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better..."

bachira

"We had plans!?" Immediately, without a second thought. And you can't contain your laughter, his hands wete placed comically on the sides of his head, his mouth wide open from shock and confusion.

"Dude, no."

"Oh thank God." He places a hand over his heart.

"Really? You werent even gonna try and play along? What if it was for real and I got mad"

He paused for a moment, thinking over the idea seriously.

"I guess you could put me in NTT for a bit maybe.." he side eyed you breasts and now you were even more confused.

"NTT?"

"No titty timeout"

You burst out laughing and Bachira couldn't help but grin at your reaction. He loved making you laugh.

"Sure, I guess I could. Probably make sure you'd remember next time huh?"

"100% !"

barou

"no we don't. now sit down, I wanna feel my girlfriend."

You roll your eyes and didn't bother fighting his party pooping attitude. You sat down and cuddled up next to his warm body.

"How do you know, you could have forgot..."

"It's not marked on my calendar, and even if it wasn't I'd never forget"

You glanced at the calendar, everything Barou needed to do in the future was meticulously marked on that damned stupid calender.

Should've wrote a fake date there...

"Who do you take me for seriously? Even if you wrote a fake date I would've known."

Oop! Did you say that out loud? No, it was just Barou and his stupidly good sense of you. Weirdo.

"Ugh, you suck, lets just watch" You were frowning but snuggles closer too him.

"Says the one latched to my chest..."

"Shhhh, the show..."

kunigami

He knows you guys don't actually have plans but he plays along anyways. "Uh huh, and did you still wanna go at 6?"

Somehow gaslights you into thinking that you forgot yall had plans. But you should've known otherwise from the way he was smiling. A cheshire grin spread across his face agreeing with everything you say in full confidence, untill finally you break.

"Im lying! We don't have plans, also a Mega Hotel? What are you talking about?"

He's laughing in your face and your cheeks light up.

"Hey! Get your own joke meanie!"

shidou

"deadass?"

you continue playing the act. "yes? you didn't forget did you?"

"say you swear." he's done a full 180° too see you now, staring incredulously into your eyes, waiting for a response.

"I swear—why would I be lying?"

"No way.." he holds his hands on his head. "No fucking way..." he was breathless, like it was impossible for him to believe what you were saying was true.

"YN, I'm gonna be so serious. I think i must be high, cause I cannot remember a single discussion of planning anything right now."

"Really dude?" You asked, unimpressed. He cocked his head adorably. "It was a joke.

"Oh shit, thank God. I thought I was a goner." he turns back around, relief filling his voice.

"Seriously? What if it wasn't a joke?"

"You'd forgive me"

You gaped at his answer, "And what makes you sure of that?" you asked sassily.

"You love me." he said confidently.

"I do, what's your point?"

"You love me, that is the point." He said, nodding his head sure of himself.

"Right..."

an's ;; guys, i think tumblr is deleting my rq's wtf 🤒

[iknowyuu]

won't say i'm in love w/ enhypen

enhypen (seperate) x gender neutral! reader

↝ wc: <2k

note: this is long overdue. . .

REBLOGS >>>> LIKES

content: hcs, cursing

heeseung ♡

- yea you’re literally his partner atp 💀 - he’ll shower you with affection, gifts and texts professing his love to you - except, it’s all platonic of course! - linking pinkies, - hugging you from behind, - LITERALLY SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED AS HIM - not romantic though - literally all in /p - i think he’s in denial 😭 serious denial . - it’s not that he doesn’t want labels or that he doesn’t want to be your partner - it’s just that he really, truly has convinced himself that it’s just friendly - he refuses to say he's in love, like actually. - he’ll literally buy you and him matching glad bracelets with your names engraved on them, but like, as besties of course! - it takes someone like jay or niki to snap him out of it - and then he finally realized sjsjsj - clearly hugs that lasted over a minute WERE NOT PLATONIC HEESEUNG - best believe within that hour he’s texting you to come over so he can confess!

[rest of the members under the cut!]

jay ♡

- the moment he realized he was completely in love with you was when on the morning of his birthday, you were the first to text him the longest message ever - detailing how much he meant to you and how much you appreciated him - and at the end, stating "i hope i was first, because you will always come first for me, love, [name]" - his heart went BOOM - the weeks that followed after were unusually awkward ?? - all because he was too busy trying to convince himself that no, he did not think you were amazing - he did not love your smile or the way you would always laugh at his dad jokes, - he did not love the fact that you were the first to try all his new recipes and always give receptive feedback, - he was not, absolutely not in love with you!!! - he didn't think you felt the same :( - (even though you literally signed off with "love" .. - i ain't ever seen two besties do that but okayyy...) - he didn't want to make things awkward by confessing - but he was already making them awkward by not :/ - it took him opening up your name in the messaging app and realizing that the last time you'd texted him first was over a week ago - and the last time you came over was even longer - for him to realize he did not wanna live without you. - he called you and confessed through pure adrenaline, right there on the phone - you reciprocated of course <3

jake ♡

- woowee where do i even start - literally just as dramatic as meg, - actually singing "i won't say i'm in love" in the shower 💀 - he'll really just ignore the incredibly prominent blooms of warmth in his chest...? - like he's seriously so in love with you - he'll try his best to make life easier for you, - helping you with your homework, - using his own money to buy a healthy and hearty lunch for you, - not to mention helping you pick outfits 💀 - it's like he doesn't have the fattest crush on you!!! - gives you so much partner privilege when you're not even his (yet.) - when all of enhypen and you were having dinner, he'd always serve you so much - to the point the rest of the members notice and start to complain LMFAO - saying stuff like - " jake-hyung, who exactly do you think you are??" "stop giving extra food to them i'm hungrier," and "jake, please for the love of god this is so unfair," - ITS SAUR FUNNY (see what i did there) - when you thank them for the meal and leave later in the night, they want to subtly confront him - it's silent, and then: - "so, you like [name], right?" "RIKI WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SUBTLE," HELP - so they tease him and practically force him to call you and ask for you to COME BACK so he can confess properly - 10/10 wingmen however would not recommend .

sunghoon ♡

- bro's flirt central - but like he tries to be subtle...? - kinda . - he teases you soooo much omg - he literally treats you like one of his members - and im sorry but he constantly friend-zones you LMFAOO - constantly touching you, playing with your fingers - messing with your jewlery (necklaces, earrings, bracelets if you wear any) - poking your sides to make you jump 💀 - that last thing is something he would do to annoy his members LOLL - he also really likes taking a bunch of selfies on your phone to annoy you (and so when you see them you can think of him as much as he does you but that's besides the point-) - ANYWAY BACK TO THE PROMPT - he just really doesn't want you to reject him :( - he pretends that the butterflies in his stomach are just because.. y'know - uh - he's sick!!! all the time . - deep down, he knows he really likes you, but he most definitely wouldn't dare say it out loud, it gets to the point where it frustrates you - because he acts all cutesy and touchy and affectionate but it feels like he'll never ask you out :/ - it's like he's playing with your feelings :( - so you start avoiding him - you deserve better than that! - and ofc he notices - he cant go a day without you tbh - so he spam calls you till you pick up and he confesses to you right after he hears your "hello?" - saying "i'm-so-sorry-i-know-why-you're-mad-and-im-sorry-would-actually-wanna-be-more-than-friends-maybe-you-could-even-be-my-partner?" - he said im sorry twice ... the smile that you broke onto your face <3 - ofc you said yes and he pretended to act all cool like "okay, cool. you should come over tomorrow." - when you cut off he's giggling and kicking his feet he's not slick !!!

sunoo ♡

- he's really similar to jake in the situation, with a mix of heeseung - his love language is helping you out with domestic stuff - like when he comes over his first question is always - "have you eaten?" - and you're always like - "no BUT it's because i was studying and i just wanted to get through this one session really qui-" - "[name]-aaah," he goes over to your chair and shakes your shoulders until you give in 💀 - the two of you have this thing where you try new food every time he comes over - and even though studying is important he is not letting you read a single word out of that textbook LMFAO - with sunoo it's really hard to tell if he likes you because he treats you like he does everyone else - just bc he thinks you're cute doesn't mean you don't get an attitude from him btw. - (you learned from experience) - he really isn't the type to be in denial either - one night sunoo was on his bed texting you (like he does every night) - and niki came into his room to bug him (like he does every night pt. 2) - but he's come to notice sunoo doesn't give him the same reactions he used to anymore - it's like he doesn't care :,( - he's literally just smiling at his phone - so he's like "sunoo-hyung." - "what." - "who're you texting?" - and he bugs sunoo, listing off dozens of names till he finally reaches yours - "is it [name]?" - SUNOO LITERALLY FREEZES - "HAHA IT IS [NAME], YOU LIKE THEM DON'T YOU?" - aaand sunoo chases him out of the room (like he does every night pt. 3) and comes to terms with the revelation - once he realizes that he has a crush on you nothing changes for him - well, one thing does - he smiles around you a lot more <3 - he feels no need to confess so it'd have to be you who does it first - and ofc he tells you he reciprocates <3

jungwon ♡

- equally as dramatic as jake LMFAOO - but like. in a chiller way. - yk how it is.. the leader vibe - he knows full and well that he's utterly lost in his love for you - but he would never act on it... no no no - he's not even scared or anything 😭 he just doesn't want to change anything you guys already have - in favour of a confession that might just go wrong :( - he's not ready to risk it - esp not with you - actually the chief of overthinking . . . - he's so hyper aware of the way he treats you in comparison to the friends he's not in love with that it loops back around to being weird as hell - like he's trying to act normal SO BAD. - BUT HE JUST ENDS UP LOOKING EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE(&%&*(@"?/ - like he'll ask you if you wanna go out with him to eat - and when he realizes he worded that kinda sus he's like - "i mean as friends. of course! :>" - constantly friend-zoning you unintentionally???? - you start to get sad about it and he realizes that you don't call him as much anymore :( - next time you two run into each other at the cafe you frequented, he finally asks you - "if you're not busy, wanna go get some food with me? . . . not as friends. maybe as.. something more? :>" - yesyesyeysyesyesyes.

niki ♡

- he thinks he's slick but he's really not LMFAO - super SUPER incredibly touchy, - constantly playing with your fingers, - sitting unnecessarily close to you when the entire couch is free, - playing with your hair/braids/etc. - when you're about to leave he'll hug you like he's never gonna see you again - head nestled in your neck n' everything :(((( - he'll even lay with his head in your lap every once in a while :( <3 - whenever one of his members brings it up it's like he gives them a serious death glare HELP - but he's also one of them that are like not at all in denial about it 💀 - he's in love with you and he would say it with his full chest! - (not really but yk.) - it's not until you talk about how you have a date soon that he decides to bring it up - and he's like "wait don't go on that." - and you're like "...why not??" - "bc i like you," - . . . - yeah okay - y'all start to date after that <3

[drchucktingle]

Hi Chuck, no pressure to answer this. <3 I watched a lovely review of Camp Damascus and, like me, the lady gave it 5 stars and loved it. But she mistakenly called it Satire and believes it to be very much a Satire. I want to explain to her how something doesn't have to be serious to not be satire, and that our trot's a good trot, and that her way of loving the book is good but could be hurtful to people who see it as a reflection of our own lives, and you too. do you have any advice on how to talk to her? you have such compassion for others that I want to walk in your footsteps.

dang first of all THANK YOU for seeking this way of standing up for what you believe. i appreciate your passion for chuck and for the tingleverse and this ART. you are very kind buckaroo

personally i think you do not need to say anything because i am not sure whether camp damascus IS satire or not. it was not really written that way but maybe. this review might be correct actually, because even though i wrote the book i am not the TOP AUTHORITY on what it is. your take is just as valid as mine and so is hers and i suppose i can see why a buckaroo would think it has a satire way. satire is not diametrically opposed to sincerity. you CAN make sincere satire.

so even though in broad sense i do not see my work as satire (although by definition there are satire moments) i can see why buckaroos could feel that way. there is a FEELING TONE about what i do that seems like satire even if i do not understand why. GET OUT is maybe similar to CAMP DAMASCUS in this way and is huge influence on the book and the tone. feels like calling 'get out' OR 'camp damascus' satire is almost too simplistic, but i will admit there is SOMETHING there at least satire adjacent.

all this is to say that genre is COMPLICATED, and so is art. the buckaroo reviewer is not wrong or right about this issue, and neither are you, and neither am i. thats the BEAUTY in art. i just wrote about how buds do not take me seriously sometimes or think my erotica is not 'real" art, but for as much as this happens and as much as i talk on it, it DOES NOT bother me in any real sense. my feelings on buds not taking me seriously just kind of ARE, and THAT IS FINE, because art deserves many different interpretations. all are valid. so instead of feeling the need to correct her i would say change that to perspective of awe and wonder over someone seeing this art and arriving at this other take.

its VERY exciting to see art unfold before our very eyes buckaroo, thank you for being a part of it. im also thankful for the reviewers, good or bad, right or wrong, theyre just as important as i am. its all just part of the big wonderful piece swirling all around us